how not to drive on the road to heaven Lessons for the Highway of Life By Susan Henderson     Find out more about the National Association of Free Will Baptists at www.nafwb.org.

A WARM BREEZE GENTLY RUFFLES YOUR HAIR as you enjoy a leisurely Sunday afternoon drive. You soak up the beauty of God’s creation outside your open windows. The rolling hills, the blooming wildflowers, the brilliant blue sky—all cause your spirits to lift, your heart to sing, and your worries to disappear.

It first appears as a distant speck in the rearview mirror—a car behind you on the horizon. Before you know it, the little red auto is no longer in the distance; it’s on your back bumper. As you try to enjoy your drive, the car maintains its position on your tail, occasionally swerving into the other lane in an attempt to pass you.

If you happen to be driving through Southwest Missouri, the driver of the little red car might be me. Hello, my name is Susan; I have a small problem with road rage. Please understand. I love leisurely drives through the countryside; I just don’t have time for them. I am always in a hurry, and nothing frustrates me more than following someone who is not. I don’t curse at leisure drivers or jump into their cars and throttle them at red lights, but I do sport an overbite and suffer from mild TMJ from gritting my teeth. My steering wheel carries deep stab wounds inflicted by frustrated fingernails.

My need for speed is inherited. I grew up riding with my grandpa, Rev. Winford Davis. He knew only one speed—fast. Whether driving on the freeway, winding round a curvy mountain road, or zooming over a dirt road with potholes the size of small moon craters, Grandpa drove at top speed.

My mild-mannered dad tried to counter Grandpa’s example by being calm behind the wheel and reminding me “Susan, just because the speed limit is 70 does not mean you have to drive 70; you can go slower.” Nope. I want every mile-per-hour that is coming to me.

My love of zoom has gotten me in trouble with the men in blue on more than one occasion. In my defense, I’m always honest about my vehicular sins. For example, I recently ordered a DVD for my boyfriend’s grandma. Because her birthday was the following day, I had the gift over-nighted. On delivery day, Brandon and I pulled into my apartment complex just as the FedEx man pulled out. Brandon said, “Oh, no. You missed him. I guess Mimi won’t get her birthday present tonight.”

Oh, please. I quickly whipped a U-ey, flew through a four-way stop that I view as completely unnecessary and came to a screeching halt across the street from the FedEx truck. Flashing lights filled my rear-view window. Apparently a dramatic pause is not the same thing as a full stop in the eyes of the law.

As the officer got out of his car, I rolled down my window and flagged down the FedEx man. When the officer arrived I admitted, “Sir, I know I ran that stop sign, but the FedEx man has my boyfriend’s grandma’s birthday gift, and I simply had to stop him. The party is tonight! Please feel free to write me out a ticket, but could I please sign for my delivery first?” The officer just shook his head. Brandon and the FedEx man joined him.

I can hear all of you slow drivers now: She’s got a serious problem. You’re right; I do, but my road rage is often provoked, especially by take-your-sweet-time drivers whose cars wear spiritually-themed bumper stickers. Instead of calming and slowing me down, they send me right over the edge. In fact, I’ve seriously considered carrying a stack of poster-board and a magic marker with me for just such occasions. My plan - write out a quick response to the bumper sticker message and flash it to the driver as I blow past him. Check out some of my envisioned responses:

• Bumper Sticker Message: Follow me to church!
  My Poster Message: No, you follow me so we can get there before the benediction!

• Bumper Sticker Message: Jesus rides in my passenger seat
  My Poster Message: Pull over and change seats! He’ll get you there in the twinkling of an eye!!

• Bumper Sticker Message: Honk if you love Jesus!
  My Poster Message: I do love Jesus, but that’s NOT why I’m honking!

• Bumper Sticker Message: In case of rapture this vehicle will be unmanned
  My Poster Message: Come quickly, Lord Jesus!

In all seriousness, both fast and slow drivers have two things in common: we all get mad at one another, and we all disappoint God with our selfishness. His rules of the road read as follows:

• Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honour preferring one another
  (Romans 12:10)

• Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. (“The Golden Rule” based on Matthew 7:12)

• Love one another, as I have loved you. (John 15:12)

As Paul pointed out, love is neither selfish nor rude (I Corinthians 13). That covers drivers at both ends of the speedometer. We need to drive with others in mind, and I have some bumper sticker-worthy tips to offer. To be fair, I’ll start with lead-foot ladies and gents like myself. How do we control our road rage and demonstrate love behind the wheel?

• Always obey traffic laws. They exist for your protection, as well as the safety of those you meet (or pass!) on the road.

• Leave 15 minutes early. I’ve found that I’m less stressed in general if I’m not pressed for time. I’ve also discovered that exceeding the speed limit to make up for lost time doesn’t get me where I’m going that much quicker.

• When you find yourself behind an insanely pokey person pretend you’re following your mother (unless, of course, you don’t like her; if this is the case choose someone else!) and treat the dilly-dallying driver like you would want your mother to be treated. After all, I guarantee you’re following someone’s loved one.

Now, on to the tortoise travelers! You may view your tendency to travel 20 mph below the speed limit as holy highway behavior, but it’s not. Unfortunately, we live in a very busy world, and people have places to go and deadlines to meet. If your leisurely traveling sends fellow drivers into spasms, you just might be provoking them to sin. How can you help fizz-aholics like me maintain self-control?

• If you want to drive slowly, stay in the far right lane. Most Interstates leave room for all of us to travel at our own speeds; they just want us in separate lanes.

• When you find yourself being followed closely by a string of vehicles on a two-way traffic road, pull over to the shoulder and allow them to pass.

• You, too, should obey traffic laws at all times. Be especially conscientious when pulling onto a road in front of oncoming traffic. Make sure you have plenty of room and time to make your entrance and match the current traffic speed. We really don’t mind your pulling out as long as we don’t have to slow to an eternal crawl to accommodate your presence.

In closing I would like to offer a final word of advice to both slow and fast drivers—think carefully about your driving habits before you plaster your vehicle with Christian slogans. If your bumper reads, “Jesus loves you” you’d better be driving in love. I know that control of my road rage is a work in progress. Therefore, I sport no bumper stickers, no window decals, and no fish symbols. I don’t want to reflect badly on God.

I’m thankful that Jesus paid the toll so I could travel the road that leads to Heaven and that I accepted the invitation to make the trip. I’m sure you are, too. However, our responsibility does not end with choosing the right path. At the end of the road God will hold us accountable for how we behaved on the journey. Let’s drive in divine grace.

ABOUT THE WRITER: Susan Henderson is the secretary of Purdy Elementary School in Purdy, MO. She has written several books, including And a Little Child Shall Lead Them, a devotional book about children.