Wouldn’t it be nice if newborn babies came with instructions? Simple details like:
This child is an introvert, so don’t expect them to get up and perform for a whole church of strangers or serve as a greeter for your church plant.
This child will be a mess while going through puberty, but don’t worry because these irrational feelings will pass. It’s normal.
This child, on the other hand, is not going to get over it. These feelings are indicators of a more serious problem,
so therapy is advised.
Unfortunately, parenting is the ultimate example of “on the job training.” And, if God blesses you with multiple offspring, each new child brings a completely different job assignment and set of challenges. And no instructions. It’s trial and error. Or, as I once heard about parenting: “You take the hand you’re dealt, and you do the best you can.”
Here are a few things I’ve learned the hard way; you could call them my thoughts on parenting.
Don’t overreact. Just because your son refuses to go to class, digs in his heels, and remains outside the classroom does NOT mean he will become a high school dropout and hater of authority.
It might just mean he is an introvert who doesn’t walk into new situations without hesitation. He might just need to observe for a few minutes to convince himself it is safe to engage.
Don’t underreact. I know, that’s not really a word. The very fact that I wrote opposing advice here underlines the difficulty of parenting. Sometimes you feel like you really can’t win. Am I overreacting? Am I not taking her seriously enough? Don’t say to your daughter, “This is just hormones talking. You will feel better in a day or two!” While the statement may be true, it also may not be true. Her anxieties and feelings are real to her, and blaming them on hormones makes her feel you are not taking her real emotions seriously.
Heed warning signs and get help. This is a hard one. Most children occasionally make overly dramatic statements such as, “I wish I could die!” or, “I hate you!” In an emotionally-charged moment, many things are said that are not serious. Children and teens have BIG feelings. Every episode does not dictate calling in a professional counselor. Sometimes, a hug, something comforting to drink or eat, a change of setting, or some “space” is all that is needed. However, if these reactions become a pattern, you may need to get your child some help. In some cases, therapists can help them manage the mood swings and angst of the teen years (and beyond).
Mom guilt is real…and not. Even the best parents I know feel guilty at times. Hard as we try, we all mess up. Thankfully, most of our mistakes are small and can be laughed about in years to come. (We didn’t mean to zip up our baby’s chubby little neck in her footie pajamas!) The fact we feel guilty over every mistake is simply evidence we are good parents who want what’s best for our children. Truly “bad” parents simply don’t care.
Pray…a lot! A good support group, a loving church community, and godly professionals are tremendous aids to successful parenting. But the most essential thing is to ask God for wisdom. “If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him” (James 1:5). As babies become children, teens, and young adults, their problems become more complicated. We need God’s wisdom to know how to love and guide them best.
It sounds like a platitude, but please remember God really does love your children and desires what is best for them. He truly loves them more than you do, hard as that is to imagine. The love of a parent for a child is probably the closest thing we experience to unconditional love, but it misses the mark by far. God’s love is perfect. While we fret and worry about how to guide our kids through difficult days and emotions, God knows exactly what to do. Trust Him! He doesn’t need your suggestions and solutions. He just wants you to pray, trust, and hang in there. He’s got this.
About the Writer: Ruth McDonald served as executive director of WNAC from 2022-2025. Previously, she and her husband Donnie served as missionaries to Japan for 38 years. The couple has four adult children and four grandchildren. Her family describes her as “crazy, fun-loving, talkative, and passionate.”
